[vc_row][vc_column][vc_tta_accordion][vc_tta_section title=”Caring for the Caregivers” tab_id=”1624958842733-e713674c-a7a4″][vc_column_text]Written May 2020
As the coronavirus spreads inexorably across the country and globe, many of us find ourselves in the position of caregivers to one or more family members suffering from the virus–in some cases, even as we are overcoming the illness ourselves. In many families, the so-called “sandwich generation” is simultaneously caring for young children and elderly parents.
As America ages, there are more and more people in need of care at home. Much of this care is being provided by relatives or friends, most of whom are doing it for no pay. But the costs cannot only be measured in dollars and cents. In one survey, nearly a quarter of caregivers reported that they themselves were in fair or poor health. Yet they are sacrificing time and energy to care for others even weaker than themselves.
Unpaid family caregivers are an unappreciated part of our healthcare system. Our seniors are living longer and mostly choosing to live at home, relieving stress from overburdened hospitals and long-term care facilities. But we cannot overlook the stress and burden on family caregivers themselves. Caring for a family member at home limits the caregiver’s ability to work at a paying job and to advance in a career. Many caregivers report emotional satisfaction from caregiving, or feel that it’s their responsibility as a member of the family. However, they also admit that the demands of caregiving take a toll on their own health. The CDC said caregiving is a public health issue of increasing importance, and urged government leaders to find more ways to support those who lovingly give of themselves to support loved ones.
We are currently in the month of Iyar, which has the acronym of Ani Hashem Rofecha—”I am G-d your Healer.” When healing comes from G-d Himself, the illness is uprooted as if it never existed in the first place.
This week’s parshah, Acharei Mos-Kedoshim, states, “You shall be holy because I am holy; I am G-d your G-d.” In the verses that follow, we are commanded to treat each other ethically and compassionately and to practice kindness with each other. We emulate G-d’s ways and become holy like Him by doing acts of kindness. When we perform the mitzvah of caring for the sick and we do it as the fulfillment of the Divine decree, we become G-d’s emissaries and gain some of HIs healing powers. The care that we give to our loved ones becomes a source of blessing for them and for us, to remove the illness and infirmity entirely as if it never was.
Of course, the culmination of this process will be with the revelation of Moshiach, when all illness will be healed. G-d will swallow up death forever and wipe the tears off every face.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][vc_tta_section title=”Quality Time” tab_id=”1624958842748-07e5d04b-fdb2″][vc_column_text]The past 10 months of COVID-related hardships haven’t had many bright spots. But there’s one silver lining of sorts. Due to all the work-from-home arrangements, parents are reporting more relaxed time at home with their children, and they’re enjoying it! Fathers, in particular, are beginning to appreciate how rare it was for them to spend quality time with their children and they’re not quite ready to go back to the way things were.
In two online surveys conducted in June by Making Caring Common, a Harvard School of Education initiative, 68% of surveyed fathers reported feeling closer to their children since the pandemic began. Fathers are appreciating their kids more, finding new shared interests, and talking more about things that are important to them.
Survey respondents reported that they’re communicating better with their kids and sharing deeper feelings. They’re going for more walks, playing more games and developing new routines that involve the kids. While pre-pandemic, some fathers might have retreated to their office or bedroom with their laptop after work, they’re now choosing to spend that down time actively engaging with their children.
Richard Weissbourd, faculty director for Making Caring Common, says that he hopes these effects remain after the pandemic is over. “Part of what we’re trying to underscore in the report is to ensure .. that people don’t just go back to their regular lives. I think if these activities… don’t become part of routines, they’re very likely to vanish.” He encourages parents to continue the family meals, the games, songs, and walks together, which are so important to a child’s development.
A transformation in the relationship between parents and children is one of the harbingers of the era of Moshiach. The prophet Malachi (3:23-24) states, “Lo, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord, that he may turn the heart of the fathers back through the children, and the heart of the children back through their fathers.” Maimonides quotes this verse in his commentary on Mishnah, to support his position that Moshiach “will not come to disqualify or purify anyone, to distance anyone or bring anyone close, but to bring peace into the world.” There’s no greater expression of peace in this world than parents reconciling with their children and learning to enjoy a close, open relationship.
Perhaps we can also say that the father in the verse is emblematic of our Father in Heaven, with whom we will be reconciled when Moshiach comes. One of the best ways we can prepare for this is by fathers utilizing their extra time at home to study Torah with their children, because study of Torah brings peace to the world and hastens the Redemption.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row]